quote of the day...

Intelligence plus character,
that is the goal of true education...

Dr Martin Luther King Jr.

voluntary exile

there are no more strings binding me here,
no chance of advancement,
better get all my ducks in a row and flee the scene,
time to search for a better life...

Natasha Bedingfield - I Bruise Easily

My skin is like a map
Of where my heart has been
And I cant hide the marks
but its not a negative thing
So I let down my guard
Drop my defences down by my clothes
I'm learning to fall
With no safety net to cushion the blow

I bruise easily
So be gentle when you handle me
Theres a mark you leave
Like a love heart carved on a tree
I bruise easily
Can't scratch the surface
Without moving me underneath
I bruise easily
I bruise easily

I found your fingerprints
On a glass of wine
Do you know you're leaving them
All over this heart of mine too
But if I never take this leap of faith
I'll never know
So im learning to fall
With no safety net to cushion the blow

[Chorus]

Anyone who can touch you
Can hurt you or heal you
Anyone who can reach you
Can love you or leave you

So be gentle
so be gentle
so be gentle

[Chorus]

I bruise easily
I bruise easily

devastation

the key to love is devastation,
thats why its called falling,
its uncontrollable,
beyond reason and understanding,

to love is to fall in a downward spiral,
and hope that someone is at the bottom to catch you,
but there are no sureties in love,
only the promise of anguish and devastation....

Marilyn Manson - Just A Car Crash Away

"Just A Car Crash Away"

Love is a fire.
Burns down all that it sees.
Burns down everything.
Everything you think
Burns down
Everything you say.

She blew me her death-kiss
And the mouth-marks
Bled down my eye,
Like her dying
On my windshield.
I can already feel
Her worms
Eating my spine.
So how can it be this lonely?
Is this all we get
For our lives?
Is love only sweeter when
One of us dies?

Then I knew that our love was
Just a car crash away.
I knew that our love was just a car crash away.
I knew that our love was
Just a car crash away.
I knew that our love was
Just a car crash away.

Love is a fire.
Burns down all that it sees.
Burns down everything.
Everything you think
Burns Down
Everything you say. [x3]

Love is a fire.
Burns down all that it sees.
Burns down everything.
Everything you think
Burns Down
Everything you say.

[backup vocals]
I knew that our love was
Just a
Car
Crash
Away.

I knew that our love was
Just a
Car
Crash
Away.

[repeat to end of solo]

Love is a fire.
Burns down all that it sees.
Burns down everything.
Everything you think
Burns Down
Everything you say.

Love is a fire.
Burns down all that it sees.
Burns down everything.
Everything you think
Burns Down
Everything you say.

a call for hope...

i really could use someone to confide in,
i have some very important news to share,
if your out there,
talk to me...

love=knife

how can I be happy when i have so much pain?
so much anguish?
so much bitterness?
and its all tied to one person,

simple fact is i bleed inside,
and the open wound has been flowing like a gushing torrent for months now,
every move made gets me lodged deeper.
every step i take leaves me gasping for air,

no one knows how i sit by myself at night and cry,
no one sees the sadness in my eyes,
and its my fault,
i just don't think that i can let anyone in anymore,

love is like a serrated knife plunged in my back,
just when i feel like its not there anymore,
its twisted and i am left in agony yet again,
and i cannot bear much more of the pain in brings....

hate myself

"i hate myself for loving you..."
words made popular by Joan Jett,
and words i know all too well...

i lie...

i recently stumbled upon some information that truly sent a knife plunging rite through my heart,
the girl of my dreams has started seeing someone,
and although i knew this day would come,
i never anticipated it to hurt so much,

i guess once the person you love tells you that your simply not good enough for her then all bets are off,
if there is one thing i regret it would be telling her how i really felt,
i should have just remained silent about it and be left alone,
it was so easy to fall for her though,

my head is a mess of thoughts right now,
i sit alone most of the time and ponder,
but ultimately i think the best decision is to leave her world completely,
runaway to avoid the pain and tell myself

im okay,

dont worry, im okay,

yes im seriously okay,
maybe one day these lies will seem true...

Orgy - Stitches

If it stayed i'd never leave it
If that turned around
I'd grieve the special dirty things that we used to talk about
I mean that loving you is strange
And adored by me throughout oh no it's you again
Someday soon you'll find that someone
Waiting for the chance to beat you
Drooling on the set to feel you
Blessing you with every kiss

Tying yourself to me
Stitch up my emptiness cause your the death of me
So precious loving the thrill
Tying yourself to me
Stitch up my emptiness cause your the death of me
So precious loving the thrill

Such the patient one who needs me
The spoiled one who wins
So shocking where's your sense
Don't you know i hate you, ohoh
Unsatisfied,you little girl.

Tying yourself to me
Stitch up my emptiness cause your the death of me
So precious loving the thrill
Tying yourself to me
Stitch up my emptiness cause your the death of me
So precious loving the thrill

Rolling dice and seeming queer
Bastard love,a sick affair
Let's see what new disease you'll fetch
I mean that fucking you is strange
And adored by me throughout
Oh no it's you again
Blessing you with every kiss

So precious you know this hate of mine exploded
I'm so deranged you know
I will never be the same

Tying yourself to me
Stitch up my emptiness cause your the death of me
So precious loving the thrill
Tying yourself to me
Stitch up my emptiness cause your the death of me
So precious loving the thrill

Zeromancer feat Free Dominguez - House of Cards

How can you stand there and deny it
after all we have been through
How can you stand there and deny it
and make a fool out of you

Collapsing like houses of cards
and landing on splinters and glass

Wish I could fake it like you do
wish i could fake it just like you

How can you stand there and deny it
How can you stand there and deny it
Trust me now

Collapsing like houses of cards
and landing on splinters and glass
They crush your heart
but spare your feet
like judging people
you've yet to meet
well time is running fast
upon your reflection

trust me now

How can you stand there
Stand and deny it

life sucks...

i hate my life...

on the fastlane to my grave

i hate to admit it,
but i am building the key to my end,
immerse myself in risk and danger,
and speed will be my ticket out of this miserable world!

a 900kg car capable of doing 250kmh,
hahaha i am close to my goal,
no one can stop me now,
crash and go out in flames....

oh what an ending that could be, wouldnt you agree???

Can't Be Love...

Laura Izibor - Can't Be Love

They say love is supposed to set you free
Give you wings to fly
They say love is supposed to hold the key
To life and eternity

Ba da ba da da ba da da

So when the party’s over
You suddenly get colder
And I need someone to hold me tight
And tell me everything is gonna be alright

Can’t be love
‘cos I dont feel
And it ain’t enough
I don’t believe
Oh, believe in love
I don’t believe in love
I don’t believe in love

They say love has all the answers
To the questions
Well baby, I’m still lost
‘cos I don’t understand

Ba da ba da da ba da da

So you can tell me that you love me
A thousand times
But for you to show me
You couldn’t even if you tried

Can’t be love
‘cos I dont feel
And it ain’t enough
I don’t believe
Oh, believe in love
Said, I don’t believe in love
Believe in love
Oh, I don’t believe in love
Ohhh

On the outside
I know that it would make sense
On the inside, baby
It feels strange
You go your way
I go my way
‘cos it can’t be

Can’t be love
‘cos I dont feeling
No, no, no
And it ain’t enough
I don’t believe
No, no, no
Can’t be love
Yeah, yeah
Can’t be love
No, no, no
Can’t be love
Can’t be love
Ohh
It can’t be love

suicidal tendencies...

i feel like slitting my throat,
why cant i just drop dead,
forget the world and never have to feel this pain again,
i have only myself to blame...

the loner

i dont know what set me off but all the petty problems have snowballed into a huge ball which keeps on chasing me,
i realize that i am emotional,
there is nothing i can do to stop it and believe me,
i have tried....

but i am alone in a shit hole right now,
and i wish i had someone i could just hug at night,
someone who would lie to me and tell me i'll be ok,
even if she knew the circumstances i am in,
reality tho dealt a major blow to that scenario,

and now it has forced my hand,
pushing me to make a decision on a whim,
a decision that i may or may not regret,
there is no certainty in the unknown,
only blankness is in my eyes and within the remnants of my heart....

lois lane

i really wish i could meet my very own lois lane...
she could truly be the love of my life...

tear me apart

i sit here,
tears rolling down my face,
i finally did it,
i told her what she needed to hear to get her to dump me for good,

i was never good enough for her,
she always knew that deep down inside,
maybe now i can finally stop hurting her,
and im sorry for all the times that i did...

Flyleaf - Arise

Tell the swine, we will make it out alive
There's a note in the pages of the book
So sleep tonight, we'll sleep dreamlessly this time
When we awake we'll know that everything's alright

Sing to me about the end of the world
End of these hammers and needles for you

Hold on to the world we all remember fighting for
There's some strength left in us yet
Hold on to the world we all remember dying for
There's some hope left in it yet

The snow on your face and your razor blades
The twilight is bruised and there you lie

Sing to me about the end of the world
End of these hammers and needles for you
We'll cry tonight but in the morning we are new
Stand in the sun, we'll dry your eyes

Hold on to the world we all remember fighting for
There's some strength left in us yet
Hold on to the world we all remember dying for
There's some hope left in it yet

Sing, sing, arise

Arise and be
All that you dreamed, all that you dreamed
Arise and be
All that you dreamed, all that you dreamed

Arise and be
All the you dreamed, all that you dreamed
Arise and be
All that you dreamed, all that you dreamed

Arise and be
All that you dreamed, all that you dreamed
Arise and be
All that you dreamed, all that you dreamed

Lacuna Coil - Oblivion

It's a fairy tale and the story is out of date
nothing that I haven't tried to say
you know that the road is lonely
I will need some help
you know that this life is crazy
I will need some help

(chorus)

there's a place far below
the darkness deep within
it's a place, I don't belong
come set me free from this oblivion

all inside of me
on the edge of agony
nothing left for me that I can fake
you know that the road is lonely
I will need some help
you know that this life is crazy
I will need some help

(chorus)
there's a place far below
the darkness deep within
it's a place, I don't belong
come set me free from this oblivion

It's a fairy tale and the story is out of date
nothing that I haven't tried to say

and I keep wandering away
I'm so deep in disarray
I keep Wandering

(chorus)
there's a place far below
the darkness deep within
it's a place, I don't belong
come set me free from this oblivion

I keep Wandering...

want to let go...

so much anger bottled in,
so much pain kept secret,
so much weight on my shoulders,
so little time to make myself happy...

no love, no hurt, no pain...

i removed myself from your life,
and although you may seem to hurt now,
i know you'll get over it,
after all,

you have so many friends,
you don't need me,
and i wont pretend that being with you isn't hurting me,
because it is,

being your friend hurt me,
not being your friend hurts u,
we are at an impasse,
and there is no solution....

lovehatetragedy

how can one be so madly in love with someone who utterly does not feel the same way about the latter,
a question that has plagued my mind since i had confessed my feelings and was told my the one i very much desired that she would never feel that way for me,
yet now that i have put some distance between us she cannot understand why i have drifted away,

the truth is purely simple,
i love you,
you don't love me,
but you have confused my gestures of love as me just being friends,

i cannot go on with this friendship,
knowing that what you offer me is not even a third of what i have given you so unconditionally,
i fell for you so hard,
the fall has broken me into pieces,

and i cant put myself together again,
i cant even force myself to look you in the eye sometimes,
but dont get me wrong,
its not because i hate you,

i just cant bare to share that type of intimacy with you,
its too much to bare,
it makes me sick in my stomach,
and everyday it gets tougher for me to get out of bed...

turmoil...

this emotional turmoil is more than enough to last two lifetimes,
and the charade i keep pulling seems to be wearing thin,
i just need a momentary breather,
and to immerse myself in the unknown...

dear agony

i spent the last part of the day today in complete agony,
and its my own fault,
i guess i'm just not ready to be out and about with you around,
i wish i didn't have to see you so much,

but i cant do a damn thing about it,
i'm stuck in my very own purgatory,
and i want so hard to get out,
but i cant seem to find a way,

maybe if i fill my days with constant activities,
keep myself preoccupied so i don't have to come to terms with myself,
lose my self,
seize the day...

Silent Secret

music written by : Aaron Camoens, Ahmad Kadafi, Abel Camoens and Austin Camoens (ENVY)
lyrics writte by : Austin Camoens

Silent Secret

this love inside my heart,
a flame that burns for you,
but i'll keep this all inside,
for fear of losing you,

(chorus)
and now i keep this silent secret,
because i know ill never be with you,
oh how i never hoped i'd say this,
but i will always be in love with you,

so i carry on his journey,
i walk alone without you,
why do i have to walk this journey?
why must i be without you?

(chorus)
and now i keep this silent secret,
because i know ill never be with you,
oh how i never hoped i'd say this,
but i will always be in love with you,

i keep this silent secret,

(bridge before solo)
why won't you let me in?
will you tell me how you feel?
i stand here waiting for you to make your move,
but you're still standing still...

the great act

my life is one big act of hypocrisy,
and there is nothing i can do about it but just grin and bear the pain,
for the lines have been drawn,
and the sides have been clearly chosen,

but ill be damned if i am laid down without a fight,
silently i will push you along with the other demons out,
i will end you with the deciet you used against me,
and the best part is you will never know when i have made my move...

today a friendship ended...

and you cant blame anyone else but yourself,
and you knw it!
how long have you known me?
yet you cannot tell when i'm joking rite?

its ok,
i already went down this road before,
and i dont need friends like you ok,
remember that always,

i don't owe you anything,
so take this as my parting gift,
your friendship you can claim back,
it holds no more value to me...

goodbye Kim...

you dont care at all...

you dont care at all...

and it does not matter anymore anyway,
not to you anyway,
you probably have found someone new by now,
and im left playing the field in search of that rare jem I once thought you were,

owh what i a fool i was,
misinterpreting you every move,
trusting your lies about friendship,
opening my heart to you for you to just rip it into tiny pieces,

and the worse part is,
my mum still asks about you,
its like she doesn't care how much it hurts for me to think about you,
but owh well,

i guess somethings never change...

by Austin Camoens

lamenetations

i am no longer interested in listening to you,
so just stay out of my way and we should be fine,
don't test my patience,
you have no idea what i am capable of...

grin and bare the pain...

sometimes i sit here and wonder,
maybe i'm so angry at you because i still have feelings for you,
but i am reluctant to walk down that road,
and until i resolve this anger i don't think i'll be good for you,

i am angry at you because you lied to me,
you told me you could offer me friendship,
but you put limits to that friendship,
even after all the things i did for you,

the dinners we ate together,
the drives we took to send you home,
all of that seemed to hold no value to you,
and i grew sick of constantly having to prove myself to you,

i don't want to be the nice guy who gets pushed around,
though it may seem i give in a lot,
but i am done trying,
the only person i need to find is myself,

the only heart i need to mend is my own,
the pain i endure i must let go,
this anger i feel i must release,
i can't keep killing myself just to make you happy...

by Austin Camoens

bells toll

i cant bare to look at my own face in the mirror...
maybe its time for me to go...

by Austin Camoens

quicksand

i'm too tired to care anymore...
when every move i make sends me deeper into this abyss,
it feels like i'm stuck in quick sand,
and the more i struggle, the more stuck i get...

i hate this...

by Austin Camoens

hate

i have been walking around with this knife in my back,
standing angry and alone,
and i know i have been pushing the people who care about me away,
it seems easier to be by myself than to allow those close to me to hurt me,

so much hate i carry around,
like a raging fire,
its slowly consuming me,
and sooner or later i will be no more,

how do i end this hate?
do i want to end this hate?
will i end this hate?
all are questions of which i have no answers to...

by Austin Camoens

never again...

Never did i know how possible it was for me to hurt this much until this day,
whenever you're around i lose control of myself,
guess fooling myself was easy than facing the truth,
It seemed unbarable for me to be without you,

if only i could burn myself,
douse this body in gasoline,
then feed it to these flames of anguish,
for being burnt alive seems better than roaming these planes without you,

you blame me for hurting you,
but you have never taken into consideration my feelings
and maybe you just don't care enough to see how much you hurt me,
picking up the pieces from her on is going to be a struggle,
but i'm resolute i can do it without you,

the friendship you offered me was utterly useless,
you kept me at arms length,
yet you expected me to keep coming back to you,
how much of a fool do you take me for?

you have no idea how i changed myself for you,
the lessons learnt i shall take to the grave,
i have reached my limit with you,
and you shall never get another chance again to hurt me this badly,

i cannot offer you the forgiveness you seek,
if it isn't clear enough for you to see,
you'll be blind to my suffering forever,
you have led to the death of me....

-by Austin Camoens