lamenetations

i am no longer interested in listening to you,
so just stay out of my way and we should be fine,
don't test my patience,
you have no idea what i am capable of...

grin and bare the pain...

sometimes i sit here and wonder,
maybe i'm so angry at you because i still have feelings for you,
but i am reluctant to walk down that road,
and until i resolve this anger i don't think i'll be good for you,

i am angry at you because you lied to me,
you told me you could offer me friendship,
but you put limits to that friendship,
even after all the things i did for you,

the dinners we ate together,
the drives we took to send you home,
all of that seemed to hold no value to you,
and i grew sick of constantly having to prove myself to you,

i don't want to be the nice guy who gets pushed around,
though it may seem i give in a lot,
but i am done trying,
the only person i need to find is myself,

the only heart i need to mend is my own,
the pain i endure i must let go,
this anger i feel i must release,
i can't keep killing myself just to make you happy...

by Austin Camoens

bells toll

i cant bare to look at my own face in the mirror...
maybe its time for me to go...

by Austin Camoens

quicksand

i'm too tired to care anymore...
when every move i make sends me deeper into this abyss,
it feels like i'm stuck in quick sand,
and the more i struggle, the more stuck i get...

i hate this...

by Austin Camoens

hate

i have been walking around with this knife in my back,
standing angry and alone,
and i know i have been pushing the people who care about me away,
it seems easier to be by myself than to allow those close to me to hurt me,

so much hate i carry around,
like a raging fire,
its slowly consuming me,
and sooner or later i will be no more,

how do i end this hate?
do i want to end this hate?
will i end this hate?
all are questions of which i have no answers to...

by Austin Camoens

never again...

Never did i know how possible it was for me to hurt this much until this day,
whenever you're around i lose control of myself,
guess fooling myself was easy than facing the truth,
It seemed unbarable for me to be without you,

if only i could burn myself,
douse this body in gasoline,
then feed it to these flames of anguish,
for being burnt alive seems better than roaming these planes without you,

you blame me for hurting you,
but you have never taken into consideration my feelings
and maybe you just don't care enough to see how much you hurt me,
picking up the pieces from her on is going to be a struggle,
but i'm resolute i can do it without you,

the friendship you offered me was utterly useless,
you kept me at arms length,
yet you expected me to keep coming back to you,
how much of a fool do you take me for?

you have no idea how i changed myself for you,
the lessons learnt i shall take to the grave,
i have reached my limit with you,
and you shall never get another chance again to hurt me this badly,

i cannot offer you the forgiveness you seek,
if it isn't clear enough for you to see,
you'll be blind to my suffering forever,
you have led to the death of me....

-by Austin Camoens